


Something More

by Babykihyuk



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Buckle up yall this is a long one, Fate & Destiny, Forgiveness, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn, Talks of soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 11:10:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18260090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babykihyuk/pseuds/Babykihyuk
Summary: Something brings Kihyun to New York City, not just work.He just has to figure out what.





	Something More

**Author's Note:**

> hi i worked REALLY hard on this one!! I hope you like it uwu
> 
> a huge thanks to my biggest fan aka my girlfriend who helped me edit this! i love her so much guys. she is my whole world.

Kihyun sighs as he adjusts the camera around his neck. He is sure that Jooheon was supposed to be here half an hour ago, yet Kihyun has been standing in the hotel lobby for too long and the younger is still nowhere to be found. It’s not like he was ever incredibly close to Jooheon when he visited Seoul years ago, but they always kept in touch and Jooheon assured him that he would drive Kihyun around New York City if he ever found his way to the other side of the Earth.

He knows Jooheon meant it as a thanks for Kihyun being so nice to him while he stayed in Seoul, that he didn’t actually mean it, but two years ago Kihyun also didn’t expect to find himself standing in New York City at one point.

Years ago Kihyun didn’t expect him to find himself standing anywhere.

Kihyun nervously bounces his leg up and down, continuously glancing between the woman at the front desk and the parking lot. He keeps finding things to fidget with, whether it be his camera strap, watch, or trying to decide if he should button up his black shirt with three buttons undone or two. His mind is racing. Does Jooheon even remember what he looks like now?

Despite the fact that it was two years ago, he is very different now; he has a different outlook on life. Back then, he was on the verge of giving up, ready to accept his death at any moment. 

Kihyun had just graduated college with a bachelor's degree in photography. He had no money, no job, but regardless, he welcomed Jooheon into his beat up apartment and let him stay for the few days while his plane was delayed. Kihyun still isn’t sure why he let a stranger on a train come home with him. Between his recent breakup with Hyungwon and his rent being due soon, he was a mess. Jooheon was someone with open arms, someone to talk to when he felt all alone, when Minhyuk wouldn’t answer his calls because it was “all Kihyun’s fault.”

Kihyun certainly doesn’t remember being the one who cheated on someone, but he would never say that to either Minhyuk or Hyungwon’s face. 

“There’s someone out there for you. Maybe they live in Antarctica, so if you travel far enough, you’re bound to meet them.” Jooheon had said when Kihyun explained how heartbroken he was.

He has no idea how or why, but those exact words led Kihyun to join a magazine agency as a photographer where he could travel. Eventually, he was promoted to the head of his department, which is why he is sitting in New York City, in a hotel lobby, on an all paid business trip for an article about the hard life in America for university students.

Now, Kihyun is much happier, just going along with things and waiting for the day he meets his soulmate. He hasn’t even seen Minhyuk and Hyungwon since the day Minhyuk broke his apartment window because Kihyun was “being mean.” ((All Kihyun did was ask for Hyungwon to return his blender exactly a year after they broke up. How is that mean?))

The sound of a car horn honking brings him out of his thoughts. He quickly stands up and grabs his backpack, pulling it on, before rushing outside. At the sight of Jooheon’s beat up green car, he grins.

The blond haired man has the windows down, looking relaxed with one hand on the steering wheel. He is wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, which is basically exactly what Kihyun expected. He rarely leaves the house without wearing white as far as Kihyun can see. 

Kihyun opens the passenger door and gets in, closing it before buckling up. “Jooheon, it’s been a while,” he says, struggling to get used to speaking English again and making a face when he hears his own lisp.

“I never expected to get a call that you came to the U.S.,” Jooheon turns to him.

Kihyun expected to find him disappointed that he is spending his week driving an old friend around, but Jooheon seems happy. Kihyun might even identify it as relieved. Maybe he is just glad Kihyun is still alive.

“Well, here I am.”

Jooheon nods, changing gears into drive. “What’s the article over anyways? Any particular part of the city you’d like to see first?”

Instead of answering him, Kihyun stares outside. It’s like Seoul, but very different in it’s own ways. The buildings are tall and close together, and the streets and sidewalks are crowded. It gives off the same vibe of a large city, but it has it’s differences too. Everyone is more aggressive, Kihyun learned that when someone shoved by him and made him fall on his way out of the airport. 

“I'm sure you're exhausted,” Jooheon says.

“Jet-lag is kicking my ass.”

“That’s why I suggested you sleep in. The day is already over half-way done, but you just got in last night, Ki. Are you sure you don’t want to spend your first day resting?”

Kihyun closes his eyes. “I have until Friday, and I have to travel back, and you have no plans to visit Seoul. I’m not wasting a minute of daylight.”

Jooheon shrugs. “It’s Monday. You have plenty of time.”

“You’d be surprised by how fast time flies by.”

“Fine by me I guess. We can head back to my apartment, make plans, and go from there.”

 

 

 

“How’s the soulmate hunting going?” Jooheon asks as he struggles to unlock the door to his apartment.

“I wouldn’t still be traveling if I already found the love of my life.” He pauses. “Do you need help?”

He glances around, examining the surroundings. He always expected Jooheon to live somewhere...better. He never guessed that Jooheon lived outside the big city, with homeless people sitting on blankets on the sidewalk and trash littering the streets. The building itself is an old, rundown brick building that looks like it might fall apart if Kihyun were to kick it.

Jooheon finally opens the door, revealing the inside that is no better than the outside. There is trash everywhere on the floor, food wrappers, paper, and anything else you can imagine. The black leather couch looks like it’s about to collapse, and the TV in front of it is so small Kihyun wonders if it’s at least ten years old. There’s a desk in the corner that is covered with papers and books so that you can barely see the surface of it.

Kihyun keeps his mouth shut as he steps inside behind Jooheon and closes the door.

“It’s not exactly the best, but my roommate and I both work. We just try to get by, man. The kitchen is to your left, although most of the food is junk food. The bathroom is the door open over there, and the door closed is my bedroom.”

“Where does your roommate sleep?”

“On the couch, but he crashes at other people’s houses a lot too. It’s not so bad. I promise.”

Kihyun highly doubts that.

Jooheon motions for Kihyun to follow him as he moves over to sit on the couch. Hesitantly, Kihyun sits next to him, trying not to make a face of disgust when he feels just how uncomfortable the worn out couch is. He couldn’t imagine living like this. Even when he was in college, he kept things tidy and in order. 

“It’s cozy,” Kihyun says, attempting to compliment the small place and force a smile.

The younger male nods. “We like it well enough! We were thinking about getting a dog, but we argued about who would take care of it. Maybe we need a third roommate.”

“Where would they sleep?”

“On top of my roommate. He won’t mind.”

Kihyun flashes him a confused expression. “Where would the dog sleep?”

“Also on the couch?”

He decides not to say anything, opting to let his fingers rest comfortably around his camera and glance around at anything he could take pictures of without Jooheon feeling uncomfortable. The place is a mess, a perfect example of the way America society causes young adults to destroy themselves to make others happy; Jooheon always talks about how he doesn’t even want to go to college, but it’s what is expected of him.

“Do you mind?” He finally asks, pointing at his camera and awkwardly smiling.

“Not at all, but are you gonna tell me what the topic is?”

Kihyun shakes his head, deciding that telling him will definitely make Jooheon upset. “Don’t worry about it. These probably won’t get used anyways.”

He stands up from the couch and moves to the window, opening the curtains to make the room brighter. The lighting definitely isn’t great and the right lens isn’t on right now, but it’s something that might be able to be fixed by editing or a filter. Kihyun can deal with that when the time comes. 

Crouching, he tries to get into a decent position to get a picture of the desk from far enough away that the mess surrounding it can still be seen. If the photo comes out where he can see the words on the page, it would be easy to blur them. He isn’t going to make a big deal about the small things; he has five days to find the perfect representation for the article. 

Just as he adjusts the lens and gets comfortable, the sound of the door opening causes him to jerk up. He groans, lowering the camera and turning back to scold whoever ruined his concentration.

“I thought you had class?” Jooheon calls, although to Kihyun his voice sounds so distant.

A man relatively Kihyun’s size is standing in the doorway, struggling to take off his shoes. His a bit too long black hair falls over his forehead, definitely in need of a haircut. He is wearing a black hoodie and tight ripped black jeans, a classic look of being exhausted and too tired to care.

“I also thought I had class, but then Minhyuk decided that today would be a great idea to fuck the professor. So, magically, class was cancelled,” he huffs, throwing his shoes and stepping into the apartment. As he closes the door, he lifts his head and notices Kihyun.

Kihyun feels his heart suddenly stop. 

He feels like he can’t breathe.

“Kyun?” Kihyun calls weakly. 

It's amazing how the world works. Changkyun standing in an old friend’s place talking about Minhyuk sleeping with people. It feels entirely wrong, like a nightmare Kihyun needs to wake up from. He feels like he might puke.

“Kihyun? Is that really you?”

Changkyun, Hyungwon's best friend besides Minhyuk.

If he is here, does that mean Hyungwon is too?

Why? Hyungwon isn't his soulmate. Kihyun didn't travel just to see him again. What is this all for? His whole life he has trusted fate, but what if he is believing in nonsense.

“What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing in my apartment? You should be in Korea, far, far away from Hyungwon. You destroyed him, you know. If I have to-”

Kihyun cuts him off in Korean. “You are always butting your nose into everything! It's not my fault. He ruined me, but no one listens to poor Kihyun because everything is always his fault. You don't have to do anything. I-”

“Kihyun!” Jooheon interrupts. “This is my roommate, and you're a guest. You better sit down and explain right now.”

He does. He tells Jooheon how broken he was when they first met in Korea, tells him all about how everyone blamed him. Hyungwon was the one who cheated though, but Kihyun was the one to end it. How is that right? Changkyun butts in and tells him how it could have still worked.

“Hyungwon? That little twink in modeling broke your heart?”

Kihyun holds back tears. It isn't worth it. He can find someone else to show him around. His English is good enough. He isn't supposed to be the one attacked. This is all wrong.

Fate is an ugly thing.

“I'm leaving. I'm walking. I don't care. Fuck you, Changkyun. Fuck you. I hope I never see you or that fucking bitch Hyungwon or even Minhyuk. I didn't travel to see you or anyone. I hope you know karma’s a bitch.”

“Kihyun, I didn't-” Jooheon starts off.

“Don’t. Don't do this. Don't make it my fault. Not you too.”

His throat burns as he steps out of the apartment; he is holding back tears. He knows if he speaks more, his voice is bound to break. It's best to step away.

Photos aren't worth it.

He walks. No destination, nowhere to go. He just walks the unfamiliar back roads until he finds himself on the highway, where he walks with his thumb sticking out. Never did he imagine himself as a hitchhiker, but fate is a cruel. Things don't add up.

Tears are streaming down his face. He’s too far gone; he can’t stop them. 

How? Why? Why is Changkyun here going to school? How does he know Jooheon? It isn’t fair, not at all.

His feet hurt, his legs feel like they might give out underneath him, and just when he is about to drop to the ground, someone in a beat-up older model of a Ford Focus pulls over next to him.

Kihyun gulps, raising his head and wiping the tears off his face. He sees a buff man sitting in the driver’s seat, rolling down the window and looking him right in the face. The large man’s face is soft, despite the size of his arms obviously peeking out of his t-shirt sleeves. His hair is black, slicked back. He is slightly sweaty.

Kihyun doesn’t care though. He will take a ride anywhere as long as he never has to see Changkyun again.

“Need a ride?”

Sniffling, he nods. He hesitates before opening the door. The man smiles encouragingly. Normally Kihyun would say no to getting in the car with a stranger, but he does it anyways.

He would later realize it was the single greatest decision he ever made. 

“Where are you going?”

“Wherever you go I guess,” Kihyun sighs, closing the door and buckling up. He leans his head against the window when he feels the car pull back on the road and pick up speed. His hands settle on the camera hanging from his neck. “Why did you pick me up?”

He hears the man hum to himself for a moment. “Something told me to. I saw you, and you just looked so lost. To be honest, the outside of New York City is a terrible place, especially this side. I was a little worried the wrong person would pick you up.”

The photographer stares out the window, looking at the other cars passing by. This man is a rule follower; he doesn’t even speed on a highway.

“I’m Kihyun,” he says quietly.

“Hoseok.”

Kihyun laughs, “Just how many Koreans are in this city?”

He can hear Hoseok grinning when he says, “What can I say, America is a diverse country.” He pauses. “You’re not from here, huh? Your english, while it’s good, it isn’t great. It isn’t too clear.”

“Flew in to take some photos and see a friend.”

“Maybe after a drink I can get some more words out of you,” Hoseok jokes, only half-serious.

Kihyun nods, agreeing. “I wouldn’t say no to a drink after what today has become, and I only woke up a few hours ago.”

He falls quiet, opting to let Hoseok turn on the radio and listen to some famous pop song that Kihyun has heard a million times despite living in South Korea. He lets his mind drift to Jooheon, then to Changkyun. 

Why would Changkyun, Minhyuk, and Hyungwon all be in one of the biggest cities in another country?

Kihyun’s only explanation is that Hyungwon finally made it big as a model, Changkyun and Minhyuk simply followed and transferred schools to be with him.

Would he have left Seoul too if they hadn’t broken up?

Changkyun. Changkyun, with his big goofy grin and his black nails. Changkyun, with his gentle touches, always like something might break if he does it too hard. Changkyun, with his funny jokes. Changkyun, with a deep voice, even prettier when he sings.

Kihyun hates him.

He doesn’t notice they’ve stopped until Hoseok is shaking him slightly, laughing a bit.

“You okay?”

“Perfect.”

It’s getting darker outside, the sunset paints the sky in pinks and purples. Quickly, Kihyun gets out of the car and turns on his camera. It’s a sight he doesn’t want to miss. He feels like something about this place is important, but he doesn’t know what.

Carefully, he raises the camera to his eye. It takes him a few shots (if fifteen is considered a few) before he lowers his camera to look at it through his own eyes. The view is beautiful, but he wishes he was sharing it with someone other than Hoseok. His stomach clenches at the thought of never finding “the one”. 

What if he is meant to be alone forever?

“Let’s go inside. You look like you really need a drink.”

One drink turns into two, two turns into three, and suddenly Kihyun is spilling his heart out on the kitchen floor of a stranger’s house.

Hoseok didn’t drink nearly as much because someone has to be the responsible one to put Kihyun to bed. He spills it all, starts from the very beginning:

He tells the story of how Hyungwon and Kihyun’s relationship brought a group of friends together and how happy they all were until Hyungwon cheated on him with some stranger he met at a bar. He was drunk, they both were, but Kihyun couldn’t bring himself to forgive Hyungwon. How could he? Kihyun had never considered being unloyal. He tells Hoseok about how he met Jooheon, the promises he made, tells him how he ended up in America and somehow ran into Changkyun again after all the years.

“That’s one hell of a story.”

It is, isn’t it?

“Fate is cruel.”

“And you need sleep. Look, I’ll take you back to your hotel tomorrow, but you’ve been through some shit today. Just rest. You can stay tomorrow too if you’d like. Right now, though, I’ve got to get a shower because I’m covered in sweat.”

“Do you think anyone ever gonna fall love with me?” Kihyun slurs, forgetting a word or two.

Hoseok places an arm around his shoulders. “Do you mind?” He asks, waiting to continue until Kihyun shakes his head. “I think that you’re drunk out of your mind, and I’m just a stranger who picked you up because something told me to. You’ll find someone, little guy.”

“Kihyun.”

“You’ll find someone, Kihyun. Just not tonight. Probably not tomorrow night either because you’re going to have a pretty bad hangover tomorrow, but maybe the day after.”

Kihyun nods, leaning his head against Hoseok, letting out a soft sigh. He usually isn’t a sad drunk, but today was a rough day. Maybe tomorrow would be better. 

Any day would be better as long as he doesn’t have to see Changkyun, Hyungwon, or Minhyuk.

He closes his eyes. “I used to wanna be a singer,” he rambles for no reason in particular. “I wanted to be famous. I was always jealous that Hyungwon would make it big and forget about me. He-” he bursts into tears, sobbing too much to even speak.

That’s the last thing he would remember the next morning.

 

 

 

“Kihyun. Kihyun. Kihyun.”

He feels like a ghost being summoned. 

“What?” He groans, cueing the massive headache.

Everything from the night floods back to him, and although it takes him a minute, he sits up to look at Hoseok properly.

Hoseok is even prettier up close when he is clean. His dark eyes sparkle, and the way he smiles down at Kihyun is stunning. He can’t help but feel incredibly embarrassed. 

 

“I-I’m really sorry, Hoseok. I’ll be gone soon, I promise.”

He looks around, realizing he is on a couch in the living room (?) He isn't exactly sure because he didn't get a tour of Hoseok’s apartment last night. Instead, they went straight to the kitchen for Kihyun to spill his whole life story.

“You’re not bothering me. Actually it's fun to have you around, but if you are insistent about going back, I actually can't take you yet. I have work in a few hours, but you're more than welcome to come with me.”

“What's your job?”

“Personal trainer.”

Should have guessed it.

Kihyun debates his options, but ultimately staying the day with Hoseok wouldn't be the worse use of his time. Besides, he deserves something better than stress after spending hours crying yesterday.

“I’ll go. I'm sorry for the trouble,” he bows his head, embarrassed.

“If nothing else, you've given me a good story to tell,” Hoseok chuckles.

Kihyun doesn't laugh.

Hoseok grins regardless. “We will have to get you better clothes than that though. You sorta threw up on your shirt.”

Kihyun didn't even realize, but sure enough there is dried puke on his shirt. The mere thought makes him want to throw up again. He hates himself.

“You probably can't fit in any of my clothes too well, but they will have to do.” Hoseok points to a shirt and a hoodie on the end of the couch. “The bathroom is down the hallway, the only open door. You can shower. There are towels in the closet. I'm not the best cook, but I'll put something together for you to eat when you get out.”

“How do you want me to repay you?” Kihyun suddenly asks. 

“If you really want to repay me, you'll get your life together for me,” Hoseok laughs. His jokes aren't even that funny if you ask Kihyun. He just laughs at everything. “But seriously, you don't have to repay me. We are friends now.”

Kihyun cringes. He still feel like he owes Hoseok somehow. 

“Whatever you say. Friend.”

“That's the spirit.”

 

 

 

The drive to Hoseok's gym is quiet. Kihyun's mind is spinning, but more importantly, his head is pounding. Once they arrive, he almost asks Hoseok to just let him sleep in the car, but he forces himself out of the car and stumbles into the gym behind Hoseok.

To be honest, the inside of the gym is kind of small. It’s an older place, the equipment worn down, but it works for it. Hoseok greets the receptionist, and Kihyun waves awkwardly.

“Where do you want me?” Kihyun asks.

“You can hang out in the locker room,” he says, pointing towards a door with “MEN’S” written in big letters.

Kihyun sighs and drags himself to enter. It’s the same as any other locker room, with bathrooms, showers, and benches. Kihyun sits down and pulls his phone out of his pocket, unsurprised to find it dead.

Then it hits him.

He doesn’t have his camera!

“HOSEOK!” He shouts, rushing out to the open room. “Hoseok, where is my camera?”

“Oh,” the man pauses. “Oh fuck I left it at my house, huh? I took it off of you and put it in my room last night before you threw up. I didn’t think about it until you said something. Sorry Kihyun.”

Great. He has to waste another day.

Not that he minds as long as it's with Hoseok. He is funny, cute, maybe a bit childish, but Kihyun likes that about him. He is someone Kihyun wishes he could stick around, but in a few days Kihyun has to go back home to his boring life with his equally boring friends and return to his lame job that he doesn’t even like.

Kihyun feels a bit frustrated, but he decides to try and focus on the more positive things. His phone is dead, he has no camera, and he doesn’t even know these people.

Maybe he is just a negative person.

He finds himself wandering towards the receptionist. “You mind?” He asks.

She motions to the chair on the other side of the table and smiles welcomingly. She is pretty up close, Kihyun thinks to himself. Her long blonde hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, but it works for her. Since she is just working at a gym, she wears a nice pink blouse and jeans. Kihyun feels a bit nervous as he sits next to her. 

“Kihyun. I’m not from here.”

She laughs. “Melonie. I can tell. From Asia?”

“Korea,” he clarifies. “I’m a photographer, but I left my camera at Hoseok's..”

“How did you end up here?”

 

Kihyun brushes off the question. “It’s a long story.”

He leans back in the chair, feeling his head still pounding. Oh how nice it would be to be back in his warm hotel bed.

“You know, this gym is placed pretty close to some cool places if you wanted to do something today instead of sitting around with a bunch of sweaty guys,” Melonie suggests, laughing a bit. 

“Maybe,” is all he can think to say. “Do you have an iPhone charger?”

She sighs. “No, sorry. If I did, I would definitely lend it to you. There’s a small shop next door. Maybe you could see if they have one?”

Kihyun wonders if she is set on the idea of getting him far away from her, but he pushes the thought to the side. Besides, he really needs a phone charger.

He quietly thanks her before standing up to leave. As soon as he is outside, he steps back a bit to look at the stores next to the small gym. He settles on the small shop that looks like a bookstore. Maybe they have some sort of charger.

As he enters the place, he immediately regrets it; it reeks of old men and rotting books. It’s not a pretty sight either. There are no books on display, no pretty signs or advertisements. The place is gloomy and quiet. He sighs and begins wandering around, looking for the accessories section.

That’s when he sees him.

Tall, lanky, slouching a bit. A bit of his black hair sticks up in the back, something that has always worked for him. He’s wearing a sweater than definitely isn’t his; it’s much to big, nearly drowning him. He is sitting at a table, across from a big male that sees incredibly embarrassed. He reminds Kihyun of Hoseok a bit, with muscles peeking out and a soft face. He is covering his face with his hands, obviously trying to hide from something.

Oh, fate is so, so cruel.

The world must hate Kihyun. There is no other explanation because how else would he run into Hyungwon at a bookstore, flirting with another man.

Kihyun is over him, but he still feels his heart clench, remembering his first kiss with Hyungwon in the middle of a bookstore’s fiction section. How sick it makes him feel, remembering how happy they were, how slow they took things. Oh how incredibly unfair the universe is.

Hyungwon looks happier. The way he puts his hand over the other man’s larger hand on the table reminds Kihyun of just how gentle he used to be.

Kihyun brought this upon himself.

He sighs softly, taking in the sight one more time before turning around and taking a step forward, in which he runs straight into someone.

“Watch where you are going, freak!” The man shouts, pushing past Kihyun, making him feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for bringing the attention to himself.

He turns around to apologize, but instead he makes eye contact with Hyungwon.

He has been thinking about this moment forever, the moment he sees Hyungwon again. He always imagined he would be with a hot new boyfriend, and they would be happier than any other couple in the world. He imagined making Hyungwon feel awful for ever letting him go. He would be a famous photographer. In fact, he would be bigger than Hyungwon would ever dream of.

To be completely honest, Kihyun never imagined himself standing in front of Hyungwon in a stranger’s clothes with tired eyes.

“Kihyun? Is that really you? Changkyun said something about you being in New York, but I didn’t want to believe it…” Hyungwon stands up, approaching Kihyun cautiously, like he is a feral animal. “You look,” he pauses, “Good.”

They both know that’s a lie.

“Y-you too,” he stutters

“Why don’t we take you out for lunch or something? All of us, even Minhyuk. We can catch up, for old times sake. I heard you were friends with Jooheon too, so he can tag along!”

Kihyun knows Hyungwon is saying that just to be nice. There is no way he can possibly want to go out for lunch with him, much less dragging his new handsome boyfriend along. He wants to say yes just to spite him, but he also wants to say yes because he has always wondered what Hyungwon has been up to after they broke up. Did he make it big like he always dreamed he would? Did his career finally take off?

He laughs to himself bitterly, remembering the days that Kihyun always dreamed they would be the greatest duo, a photographer and his muse. 

Now, it makes him feel sick.

“My plane leaves Friday. What about dinner tonight?” He suggests, gritting his teeth.

“Anything for you.” Hyungwon smiles. “Tonight, my place sounds good.”

 

Kihyun holds in a sigh. “Can I bring someone?”

“Of course. Come back to our table, I’ll write my address on a napkin or something. We can have it at my place.”

 

 

 

Convincing Hoseok to take him wasn’t very hard, but convincing him to stay was much easier.

“I don’t want to be at an awkward dinner with your ex-boyfriend and a group of your old friends. It doesn’t matter what you say. I’m not going,” Hoseok had insisted.

“There will be good food.”

That’s how they end up outside Hyungwon’s apartment, awkwardly knocking on the door.

Luckily, Hoseok went home and changed before they went out, so he looks nice in a black t-shirt and skinny jeans. It's much better than his workout clothes.

“This is stupid,” Kihyun groans to himself.

Hoseok pats him on the shoulder. “You were the one who wanted to have dinner. I can't imagine a world where this interaction goes well.”

“Thanks,” he grits through his teeth.

The door opens, revealing the tall, handsome man himself. Kihyun honestly can't tell if his smile is fake or not, but at least he seems happy to see Kihyun. Maybe all these years really changed him.

Time certainly didn't change Kihyun.

“I was starting to think you wouldn't show up, Ki. Hyunwoo is in the kitchen, finishing up dinner.”

“Hyunwoo?” Hoseok and Kihyun both say at the same time. They exchange a glance.

“My boyfriend.”

Hoseok makes a face of shock. “I see him at the gym all the time. He never mentioned you.”

“Small world we live in, huh?” Hyungwon says, motioning them to follow him inside.

As they step into the living room, Kihyun can’t say he is surprised to see Jooheon, Changkyun, and Minhyuk sitting on the couch, side by side, playing some shooting game. Actually, he could recognize Call of Duty WW2 Zombies from anywhere.

He swallows.

This reminds him of game night, circled up against Hyungwon half asleep as he waited for their friends to leave their small apartment so they could finally sleep. 

“You love them, even if you act like you don't,” Hyungwon would tease when Kihyun would complain.

It feels...wrong to be standing in Hyungwon’s apartment. 

Quietly, Kihyun finds himself a spot on the floor in front of the others, closer to Jooheon for comfort. Hoseok awkwardly sits next to him, his larger body making Kihyun look tiny. Someone pauses the game. 

“Kihyun,” Minhyuk says in awe. “You made it. I can't believe you really made it.”

Forgive and forget.

Everyone else seems to be on the same page besides Kihyun. He looks up to see Hyungwon standing up with a soft smile, and he feels his heart clench.

“It's been a while,” is all he can manage to say.

Changkyun jokes, “You're not going to run this time, right?”

“No. I think I'll stay.” he pauses. “Guys this is Hoseok. Hoseok, that's Jooheon, Changkyun, Minhyuk, and Hyungwon.”

Something makes Hoseok stop when he looks at Changkyun, almost in a trance. Kihyun can't blame him, the younger boy is attractive. He has drawn Kihyun in too, has Kihyun wrapped around his finger. There isn't a single thing Kihyun wouldn't do for him, even now.

Kihyun momentarily recalls how mad Hyungwon would get when he attached himself to Changkyun, talking about how often they went out to do things. They fought about it too.

They were just friendly, always have been.

“Hi,” Hoseok finally says, trying to be cool even though his face is bright red.

Gays band together, Kihyun supposes. Jooheon is the only straight one after all these years.

Something about it rubs Kihyun the wrong way though. The way Hoseok is practically making heart eyes makes him uncomfortable. He guesses it's because he and Changkyun were always close, and the younger had never been in a relationship while Kihyun was around. He is just a jealous friend, scared someone will come between them. 

He doesn't know why though. It's been years; something has already come between them and the damage might not be repairable.

He doesn't like how Changkyun eyes the muscles peeking out of Hoseok's shirt, or how he looks like he is about to drool. Kihyun doesn't like it at all.

“Nice to meet you, Hoseok,” Jooheon says. “How the hell did you meet our little Kihyunnie?”

Kihyun cringes, “Don’t say that. It's just gross.”

“You know he is sensitive,” Changkyun teases.

It's like nothing happened. Kihyun thought it would be awkward, but everyone is playing it off.

Everyone but Kihyun.

How could he just forget? Hyungwon straight up left the country and took Kihyun’s closest friends. Kihyun was too stubborn to repair what they had, and now Hyungwon found someone else.

Hoseok laughs. “Well, to be completely honest, I picked him up off the side of the road, like a stray dog.”

“Hey!” Kihyun is quick to defend himself. “That's not what happened...exactly.”

“Oh? That's how I remember it.”

Kihyun decides he hates them all. 

Hyungwon's boyfriend (Hyunwoo, Kihyun reminds himself) walks into the living room with a big grin on his face. “Why don’t we just order pizza?”

“Um?” Hyungwon stares at him, dumbfounded.

“I was distracted by my phone and sorta overcooked the meat.”

Minhyuk nods. “Pizza sounds great.”

“You always say that,” Changkyun and Kihyun say simultaneously.

“Oh,” Kihyun says quietly.

His heart thumps loudly in his chest. Why? Is he nervous about being back with all of his friends? Does he still have feelings for Hyungwon that he doesn't know about? His brain and body are playing tricks on him, making him feel things he definitely doesn't feel.

Kihyun unconsciously leans back against Jooheon’s legs, feeling the pain of his back due to slouching for a bit. 

“Well, Hoseok, are you good with whatever?” Hyungwon asks.

Hoseok nods, still entranced by Changkyun.

Despite his fears, Hoseok fits in with Kihyun's friends pretty well. Kihyun doesn't know why he was so nervous; Hoseok is funny and likable. Anyone would be lucky to have him as a friend.

Hyunwoo seems to notice Hoseok for the first time. He seems surprised. “Hoseok?”

“Hyunwoo. Nice to see you in something other than sweaty workout clothes.”

Hyunwoo looks down at himself, as if he forgot what he was wearing. He looks decent enough, wearing a black sweater and jeans. Not the type of guy Kihyun thought Hyungwon would be into, but who is he to judge.

“Ok,” Hyungwon claps his hands together. “Minhyuk, order pizza. I'll find us a movie to watch. Hyunwoo and Jooheon, go down to the store and pick us up some ice cream. Changkyun, Hoseok, and Kihyun...entertain yourselves.”

It's weird seeing Hyungwon take control. Kihyun was always the one to boss people around. It doesn't fit him. Kihyun doesn't like it. It isn't Hyungwon.

“What have you been up to after all these years?” Changkyun asks, watching as everyone gets up to do their “jobs”.

“I got a job as a photographer actually. I came here to take some photos. My plane leaves Friday.”

“Friday? You mean you aren't staying?”

Kihyun shakes his head. “Why would I? My life is in Seoul. My family is there. All I have here is you guys, and I barely know you now.”

Hoseok quietly excuses himself. “I'm going to help Hyungwon.”

“I'm not asking you to stay,” Changkyun sighs.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Kihyun isn’t sure how long they stay silent, but he hears his heartbeat loud in his ears. Why is his heart beating so fast? He swallows nervously and looks up, taking a closer look at Changkyun. He looks cute in a red t-shirt with some band name on it, but he makes everything look good. His black hair is neatly parted today, making him look a bit older.

It seems like forever before Changkyun breaks the silence. 

“You could stay though. It wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. Besides, I know you like to believe in fate and soulmates, all that mess. Well, there has to be a reason you traveled to an entire different country and still ended up seeing us. That sounds crazy, right? What are the chances? Yet, here we are, in the same room all over again. Something brought you here, Ki.”

He is right. That’s all Kihyun can think about. Of course something brought them together, but what? Why? After all this time, why is fate bringing them back together?

There is something more, something unfinished.

Kihyun just has to figure out what. 

Hyungwon steps in front of the TV, pulling their attention onto him and Hoseok trying to change the settings to Netflix instead of COD WW2. 

“What have you been up to? How did everyone end up here? How the fuck did you meet Jooheon?” Kihyun finally asks the questions on his mind. 

“Well, Changkyun got a scholarship to go to school here in America, and Minhyuk couldn't imagine saying goodbye to him. Me? Well I've always figured I have a better chance of being a model anywhere that isn't Seoul, so here I am. We all moved our lives here for a shot at a better life. I had to brush up on my English, but I'm much better now. I got recruited in a coffee shop by some agency, and a few months later I met Hyunwoo. Changkyun just met Jooheon at school, and he fit in with us pretty well. I think we all make a pretty good team.”

They seem ok, happy almost. Kihyun doesn't know if it's fake or not, but they all seem content with their lives.

What if he did take his life and move it?

Changkyun's right. He is here for a reason.

“I'm happy for you, Hyungwon. I really am.”

And he means it.

Hyungwon finally turns the settings over to Netflix and grins proudly. “Yeah. We are happy here. I missed you. We all missed you.”

His eyes deceive him though, sparkling sadly, like he might cry. Why? Is he crying for Kihyun? For the fact that he still is all alone in Seoul without his closest friends? Is he going to cry because he genuinely misses him?

Kihyun’s chest tightens.

“What about you?” Hyungwon asks, turning away to look anywhere but at Kihyun. “I heard you tell Changkyun you're a photographer now, a successful one I mean,” he teases.

“Living a boring life back in Seoul. Nothing is as exciting and spontaneous without you all.”

“I'm sure,” Minhyuk says with a big grin, walking from in the kitchen into the living room before plopping down on the couch next to Changkyun.

Kihyun wonders why he is still sitting on the floor when there’s a perfectly good couch. Hesitantly, he forces himself up on the couch next to Changkyun.

“Minhyuk, what have you been up to?” 

“Still trying to get that dumb ole degree as a doctor. Changkyun has settled on nursing! Can you believe that? He kept changing his major. Otherwise he would be out of college by now.”

“Oh,” Kihyun says, surprised, “I didn't expect that.”

“We didn't either.”

After a bit, talking with them comes easy, feels normal. It's as if they are old friends again. Kihyun realises he missed them more than he thought; he definitely likes them better than his boring friends back at home. They all seem happy, and for a second, Kihyun is too.

Then he remembers he has to go home Friday, and he will probably never see them again. 

The night goes smoothly, it's nice seeing Hyungwon happily curled up on the floor with Hyunwoo. Kihyun thinks it's odd, but he is so glad Hyungwon is happy finally. 

Today was so eventful though, and he finds himself getting exhausted during the movie. The next thing he knows, his head falls on Changkyun’s shoulder, and he is dreaming of a different world.

 

 

“Kihyun.”

“What?” he groans. 

His neck is aches. His head is pounding. What the hell happened last night? He can feel the heat from light pouring through the blinds in the living room as everything comes back to him, and oh god he is sleeping on Changkyun.

“Sorry,” he mumbles awkwardly, sitting up properly and cracking his neck. 

“It wouldn't be the first time. You were having a nightmare or something. You were gripping my hand pretty tight.”

Why was he holding hands with Changkyun to begin with?

Also, he can't remember what the hell he was dreaming about.

He lets go of Changkyun’s hand and suddenly feels hyper aware of everything that's going on. His thigh pressed against Changkyun’s, shoulder to shoulder too. They are so close, and Kihyun can't control his heart rate. 

What the hell is wrong with him? It's just Changkyun. 

He glances over to see Minhyuk passed out on Changkyun’s other shoulder, and something about that bothers him. Maybe he is just being overprotective? He isn't sure. Maybe it's like parental instincts or something. Changkyun was always the baby of the group anyways. 

Hyunwoo and Hyungwon are nowhere to be seen. Kihyun guesses they are asleep in their own bed, but Jooheon is gone too. Hoseok, though, is sleeping on the floor sitting up, leaning against Changkyun’s legs.

Why does everything about this rub Kihyun the wrong way?

He brushes it off.

“It's Wednesday, and I still don't have pictures for this article,” Kihyun says aloud, more to himself than anyone else.

“What's the article about?”

“Life in America for University students.”

“Ha. How fitting.”

“I wanna find something that captures it perfectly, but I'm not feeling inspired.”

Hoseok begins to stir, and finally he sits up and groans. “What's happening?”

“Nothing,” Kihyun hits him lightly. “You seemed comfortable.”

“You could get a job here, you know? With a marketing company, taking photos. It wouldn't be the worst thing ever,” Changkyun suggests again. 

Kihyun imagines that for a moment. He imagines spending all of his money chasing the American Dream. Always wanting more, isn't that what America is about? He remembers how much he dreamed when he was young, but he has to be realistic now. He can't just move his life to another country on a whim. He still has student loans he has to pay, and his entirety is back in Seoul.

“Wouldn't it though? You all left to chase some crazy dream, and maybe it worked for you, but it won't work for me. I'm not young anymore.”

“You're twenty five.”

“You remember?”

“You really think I just stopped thinking about you?”

Kihyun feels his face heat up. Changkyun doesn't mean it in a love kind of way, he knows that, but he still feels his body on fire. Changkyun likes him as a friend; he just pays attention to small things.

“You could-” Hoseok yawns. “You could work for me as a marketer for my gym. You could also clean up, and I'll fire our current janitor.”

Kihyun shakes his head. “I won’t let myself become a burden. You've already done enough for me. I've known you for two days, and you act like we are best friends.”

“You believe in soulmates, yeah? What if I'm your best friend soulmate?”

“Those don’t exist,” Kihyun can’t help but laugh.

“Source?”

“Me?”

“The point is you barely know me and have to stop doing me favors.”

Changkyun seems defensive. “You're just looking for excuses not to stay with us. It's fine, but don't lie about it to spare our feelings. Just be honest.” He stands up. “Anyways, I have class in an hour. Let's hang out again before you leave, ok? I don't want this to be our last goodbye.”

It feels like he takes a piece of Kihyun with him when he walks out the door.

Hoseok sighs. “Kihyun, I think I'm in love with him.”

“You just met!”

“You know how you are supposed to know when you meet your soulmate? I felt that.”

Kihyun shakes his head. “You don’t just know. That's infatuation hitting you hard in the face.”

“I'm in love, Kihyun. I just know.”

“Ok.”

Kihyun knows he isn't in love. Maybe he is in love with the idea of being in love, but you don't fall in love with someone instantly. Love is something that grows overtime. You fall in love with someone who is your friend, not a stranger you just met. It doesn't work like that. 

“I have to get to work. What did you want to do today?”

“To be honest? Sleep. I'll take pictures tomorrow. I'll go to Jooheon's place.”

 

 

 

On Kihyun’s final day in America, he makes Jooheon and Changkyun skip school to take him around town. He takes a few more photos of their apartment before dragging them to a coffee shop to get a few plandid shots of them studying.

“Stay right there,” he tells Changkyun, forcing him to pose like he is writing something.

The table is filled with the younger’s nursing notes. Most of it is in rough writing, but Kihyun thinks it works for what he is going for. He looks like a struggling student.

Unlike Hyungwon, Changkyun fails at staying still.

“Stop,” Kihyun says, lowering the camera and rushing over to put his hand back in the position. “Can't you stay still?”

“It hurts,” he whines.

Kihyun’s stomach flips. He sounds so pitiful and miserable.

“I'm sorry,” he says softly.

What the hell is Changkyun doing to him?

“Trade places with Jooheon.”

Unsurprisingly, Jooheon is a much better model. He stays still (most of the time) and doesn't complain.

After a few shots, Kihyun buys them all coffee and they sit around the table, Changkyun across from Jooheon and Kihyun.

“We are going to miss you tons,” Changkyun reminds him. “I don't wanna say goodbye again.”

Again.

They never had a proper goodbye in the first place.

“I'll miss you guys too,” is all he can manage to say.

It sounds half-hearted, but he means it. More than he has meant anything ever before. He is going to miss them. Having them around again is like a dream come true. In fact, he has dreamed of a world where he met them again, and the reality is even better than he ever dreamed of. Why? Why does he have to go back home?

“Let's go out tonight. One last night before you go. We'll take you back to your hotel and you can wear the best clothes,” Jooheon suggests.

“It'll be fun!” Changkyun grins. “The boys will be back together one more time, plus Hyunwoo and Hoseok.”

Kihyun raises his camera and takes a shot of Changkyun just like that, with a big grin on his face and a coffee in his hand. He looks genuinely happy, like he doesn't have a care in the world. It's one hell of a shot if you'd ask Kihyun.

He stares at the photo on the display screen for a moment before looking at the real thing. He swallows.

“Ok.”

“Ok?” Jooheon repeats.

“Yeah. I mean, I'll go anywhere you want. One last night.”

One last night. 

He feels a bit choked up, like maybe he could cry. He isn't that weak, but it’s upsetting to know he will never see them again. Sure, he could travel back, but that costs money that he doesn't have. Besides, who wants to travel all the time to see his closest friends.

And just for a second, he considers staying.

He could see them most days. He really could work for Hoseok until he finds a better job. Hell, he could start up his own photography business! Hyungwon would surely let him take a few shots like old times. He could do whatever the hell he wants, and there would be no one to stop him! He imagines it, just for a second. A life with no boundaries, nothing holding him down. A life in which he could do whatever he wanted, no matter how spontaneous. He could even stay with Hoseok for a while until he got up on his feet.

Just for a second, Kihyun dreams.

“Kihyun?” Changkyun looks at the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “No need to cry. We'll see each other again, yeah?”

Jooheon half jokes, “Maybe we could visit you in Seoul sometime.”

“I could stay!” Kihyun blurts out loudly. It causes some people to glance over at them, and he quietly apologizes. “I could stay,” he says softer.

“You could stay,” Changkyun nods. “You could. You're more than welcome to stay at our place, but I'm sure even Hyungwon and Hyunwoo or Hoseok wouldn't mind.”

“I literally just met Hoseok. I can't burden him like that.”

“Really? Because you guys seem like besties.”

Kihyun huffs. “He picked me up from the side of the road!”

“And you met Jooheon on a train? Fate is crazy, Ki.”

Changkyun was right about one thing.

“You could stay with us,” Jooheon smiles. “You did let me stay with you after all. You could-”

“I couldn't burden anyone.”

“You wouldn't be a burden. We could stay at our cramped place! Sure, it would suck, but it would be tons of fun!”

Kihyun is growing tired of the word “could”. Sure, he could do anything, but every action has its consequences. Is he ready to face those?

His mouth is faster than his brain. “I'll stay.”

He doesn't know if he will regret those words later. 

 

 

 

Hoseok’s place is a lot smaller than Kihyun remembers it, but maybe that's because there are seven grown men stuffed into one small living room with a single couch. To be fair, the two oldest (Hyunwoo and Hoseok) are sitting on the small couch together, and everyone else is crowded on the floor together. There's a leg tangled up with Kihyun’s and a elbow pushing into his rib, but Hyungwon is handing him the drink and suddenly it's all ok.

“You didn't give me much to work with, Hoseok. Kihyun likes his alcohol much sweeter, but I mixed what I could.”

Unsurprising that Hyungwon is playing bartender. Even more unsurprising that he isn't drinking himself. He doesn't want to do something dumb and ruin his appearance as a beautiful model even if they are all friends. Hoseok is still a stranger after all and could take videos that could ruin him. Kihyun is well aware that Hoseok is too nice for that, but what does Hyungwon know?

Hoseok shrugs. “He wasn't complaining the other night when he was getting so drunk he couldn't speak right.”

Is every day Bully Kihyun Day?

“Yes,” Changkyun laughs.

Did he really say that aloud?

Quietly, he downs his first drink of the night, careful not to get it on the camera around his neck, and he leans against the couch. The TV is playing an American show about some family, but no one is paying attention to anything but each other tonight. No, tonight is the night Kihyun will tell them his plans to stay.

His palms start sweating when he imagines their reactions. Would Hyungwon get mad? Sure, he seems okay with Kihyun now, but what about when he is permanently added to the friend group? Kihyun feels like he will always be awkward with Hyunwoo no matter how hard he will try to make their friendship work. What about Minhyuk, who always sides with his best friend. Will he accept Kihyun back? Is all of this just them being nice?

Do they actually want him back?

He swallows nervously.

Kihyun glances up at Hoseok to find him making heart eyes at Changkyun, but that's not even the worst part: Changkyun is staring back at him.

Something happens to Kihyun. He feels a prickle of jealousy, maybe even a bit of annoyance. Really, how can two people fall in love when they barely know each other? Doesn't it completely dismiss the idea of falling in love over a period of time? He loves Hoseok as a friend. In fact, he trusts Hoseok more than he has trusted anyone in a while, but Hoseok is so stupid. 

It's going to be a long night.

He decides to go ahead and get it over with. 

“Guys,” he starts, bringing everyone's attention to him. “I have something to say.”

“Go for it,” Jooheon says encouragingly, patting him on the shoulder.

He breathes in. “I'm traveling back to Korea to get my things, but then I'll be permanently moving here. I hope you can accept me back into your lives. I hope I don't intrude!”

“Hey, no need to be so proper,” Minhyuk grins from his place across the room, pressed up against Changkyun. “We are all friends. Forget everything that happened, ok?”

Forget…?

Kihyun stands up. “Do you mind?” he asks.

He walks away from the circle and raises his camera up to his eyes. He doesn't want to forget this moment. The moment he officially is brought back to them again. He wants to tell his children about this one day, wants to explain that it's okay to let things go. No matter how hard life gets, fate will turn it all around for you. He wants to tell his children the story of how he ended up in America after twenty five years of living in Korea. Oh boy, it would be a long but good story to tell them.

He motions for them all to get closer. Hyungwon squeezes himself on the couch, and Hyunwoo puts his arm around him. Minhyuk wraps both of his arms around Changkyun and puts on the biggest grin. Jooheon puts up a peace sign and shows off his dimples. They all look like a happy family. Kihyun feels like he can't breathe, but he feels so happy.

It's a feeling like no other.

He takes the picture, takes a few actually. He can't help but grin when he stares at the display. They look good, even with the bad lighting in Hoseok’s apartment. Everyone is smiling, even Hyunwoo.

“Ok, you can go back to breathing normally.”

Hyungwon stands up and wanders over to Kihyun, towering over him and staring at the photo. He pats Kihyun on the back, just like old times. “You and your camera. You'll never give up photography, huh? I hope you make it big, Ki. I really do.”

“You too.” he pauses. “Hey, I'm gonna step outside for a bit, ok? But you keep getting everyone fucked up, and I'll be back. Let's play a game or something.”

He smiles at Hyungwon and heads for the door. He needs fresh air, and honesty he needs a second alone.

The moment he is outside he feels like he can breathe again. He stares down at his camera and goes through the shots. He took two that look decent enough. He has plans to upload them to his laptop once he gets back to his hotel along with his shots taken earlier.

That's when his camera dies.

Oh how Kihyun wishes it would've taken him with it.

He feels a bit lost without it. He wanted to take more shots of them! He can't help but yell at himself for not charging it. 

He walks down the steps and finds himself leaning up against Hoseok’s car. The night breeze is comforting, reminds Kihyun of his t-shirt, even feels a bit cold. It's better than being stuffy though.

The door opens and out walks Hyunwoo. Silently, he approaches until he is standing directly in front of Kihyun. 

“I figured we should talk,” he says awkwardly. “I-”

“If you think I'm here to steal Hyungwon, you're wrong. I know my story sounds crazy, but I'm not here for him.”

Hyunwoo shakes his head and leans on the car next to him, staring up at the sky. His large body makes it a bit funny looking. He looks so thoughtful, so innocent. “I'm not talking about that. I don't want things to be weird for us. I'm with Hyungwon now. I just want to make sure it's ok for us to be friends. If you're ready for that. I like Hyungwon a lot, but I don't have to be friends with all of his friends.”

Kihyun feels like a fool. 

He has never met someone so insecure as Hyunwoo, so scared of making a mistake. He is kind, the type of guy Hyungwon deserves. Kihyun might even say they are perfect for one another. He feels so stupid for ever thinking things might be awkward. Of course he is willing to accept Hyunwoo. 

“I'm Kihyun,” he says quietly. “Nice to meet you.”

“Hyunwoo. I've heard stories about the great Yoo Kihyun.”

“Oh yeah?”

Hyunwoo laughs. “Yeah. Like how you once cried because there was a spider on the wall next to your bed. Hyungwon has some pretty funny stories. I think he keeps the good and sweet ones to himself though.”

Kihyun defends himself, “It was big! And Hyungwon had to call over Minhyuk because he was scared too!”

“Yes, Minhyuk was kind enough to tell me that part.”

Despite their initial awkwardness, talk flows easy with Hyunwoo. They laugh about Hyungwon together, tell small jokes too. Finally, Kihyun asks him about how Hyungwon is really doing, not to tell him the facade.

“He is okay,” Hyunwoo says after a moment. “He is really worried about how you are doing though. I think you need to have a talk with him.”

“Maybe after I come back from Seoul. Tonight isn't about the past. It's about the future. Can we go back inside now? I'm a bit cold.”

Hyunwoo nods. “Yeah. Me too.”

He regrets not asking the real question on his mind:

Did Hyungwon tell Hyunwoo that he is a cheater?

He saves that question for another day though. 

 

 

 

Kihyun hugs them all one by one, even Hyunwoo. “I hate goodbyes,” he laughs, even though he can't help but cry.

Will he really be coming back?

“Let's not say goodbye, then. What about, see you soon?” Changkyun suggests.

They huddle around each other once Kihyun is done hugging them. They look like fools. 

“What if I don't come back?” Kihyun sighs. “What if I decide to stay in Seoul?”

“Then, we will visit you,” Minhyuk says loudly, pulling on Kihyun’s arm. “We are gonna miss you tons!”

“It'll take a few weeks to wrap everything up. I might not be back so soon. Don't keep your hopes up.”

Hyungwon hugs him again. “Stay safe. Your plane is leaving soon.”

Kihyun began making his way to security, waving them bye. He takes one last look at them, seeing all the happy but still sad faces. He holds his camera tightly. He will see them again soon.

He has to. 

 

 

It takes six weeks to wrap everything up. 

It takes a lot of guts to quit, but Kihyun turns in his final project and does just that; he quits on the spot. He pays his last month of rent, throws out half of his clothes because he is too cheap to pay extra money for a second suitcase, and begins to pack up his things. 

He says goodbye to his friends, who throw him a big party to celebrate the fact that he is growing.

And his poor mother cries when he tells her, and he cries too. How could her baby just leave her?

She cries when he steps in the airport with a suitcase full of his things and a camera around his neck.

He cries on the way back to America, wondering what the hell he just did.

 

 

Hoseok meets him at the airport. He greets him with open arms and a hand to help carry his luggage. 

“It was a long six weeks. Now you have to apply for citizenship and start that fun process. Also getting a job isn't going to be easy.”

“I actually plan on investing in a little studio and some more equipment and start my own photography business.”

Hoseok is beyond surprised, but as usual, he supports him no matter what. He leads Kihyun through the crowds of people and to his car, and he throws Kihyun's suitcase in the backseat. Kihyun gets in the car and smiles at Hoseok from the passenger seat.

“Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you. Meeting you has allowed me to meet Changkyun.”

Oh?

“What's that supposed to mean?” Kihyun asks, staring out the window as he feels his stomach flip.

No.

“We are dating now!” Hoseok exclaims like he is the happiest person alive.

Changkyun is something to Kihyun, something very important. He doesn't know what. He isn't exactly like a brother, not a family member either, but he is still important to Kihyun. It hurts to imagine him with someone else.

No, he shouldn't say someone else. He should leave it at someone. He doesn't like Changkyun, not like that!

“I'm happy for you, Hoseok. I'm happy you're happy.” 

He doesn't feel happy, not at all. What's this feeling? A sense of betrayal? Jealousy is gnawing at him, and he doesn't like it at all. Maybe he is just jealous that Hoseok might have found his soulmate meanwhile Kihyun is far from it 

Maybe his purpose in America was so bring Hoseok and Changkyun together.

“I hope you'll find The One soon, Kihyun. I know he or she is out there,” Hoseok pats Kihyun’s leg. It's a bit weird to be honest, but he has learned Hoseok is just a touchy person.

Kihyun certainly hopes he has a soulmate. He is surrounded by happy couples.

He sighs, turning on his camera and staring at the display. He looks through the photos, smiling at the ones he took last week of his old friends back in Seoul. They were all drunk out of their minds, all laughing about something that wasn't even funny. It was a good shot despite being in a bar. The next one is of his mother and father, his mother in tears and his father holding her close.

He broke her heart when he told her the news.

He wonders if she will ever spend the money to call him overseas or if she will give up on him too.

Kihyun closes his eyes just for a moment and takes a deep breath.

Can he really make it in America?

“I'm taking you to Jooheon’s place where you'll be staying.” He pauses. “Hey, don't look so sad! It's further in the city and you'll be able to get around better without driving. If I could keep you with me in my pocket, I would.”

“That's weird.”

“You're weird.”

Okay, so Hoseok is a bit childish. Kihyun knew that much. 

“Anyways, you'll have fun staying with them! You might not get a lot of sleep, and you'll be sleeping in the bed with Jooheon or on the couch, but it'll be tons of fun! Besides, I'll come visit every day after work.”

“Fun.”

Hoseok smiles brightly at him. “Would you rather stay with Minhyuk?”

“Not in a million years. I'd rather sleep on the floor like a dog.”

Not that he hates Minhyuk, but he is a little on the wild side. He likes throwing parties, being messy, and procrastinating: all things Kihyun hates.

Hoseok laughs. “I'm really glad I met you, Kihyun. I love your friends, and I mean it.”

Kihyun glances back to his camera, looking through the photos. He smiles at the sight of their friend group photo. They look so happy. Then, he looks at the shots of Changkyun, and something happens to his heart. It speeds up. He looks cute, innocent. He is laughing, and Kihyun can basically hear the photo. Changkyun has a distinct laugh, kind of deep like his voice, but it's warm, comforting almost.

The way his eyes crinkle up when he smiles. It does things to his heart.

Will Kihyun calm down already?

“You and that camera!” Hoseok jokes. “I wish you would just separate already.”

“I love it more than I'll ever love anyone.”

“Even your soulmate?”

Kihyun hums. “Even my soulmate.”

The drive to Jooheon and Changkyun’s place is surprisingly short. It goes by quickly when he is laughing with Hoseok.

He climbs out of Hoseok’s car. “You coming inside?”

“Go on in without me. I'll pop the trunk, but I gotta get to work.”

Kihyun closes the door and walks to the trunk, grabbing his luggage. He closes it and drags his luggage to the porch. He waves to Hoseok one last time before knocking on the door.

Almost instantly, Changkyun opens it. “I was starting to think you'd never show up,” he hugs Kihyun before letting him in and closing the door. 

Kihyun yawns. “Well, here I am after a ridiculous amount of time. Believe it or not but flying from Seoul to New York is exhausting.”

“Well, it is late. Did you want to sleep on the couch or in Jooheon’s bed?”

“If I sleep on the couch, where will you sleep?” Kihyun asks. He makes his way to the couch and sits down.

“The floor. With Jooheon. I'm an easy-going man, Ki.” Changkyun sits next to him, not too close, but close enough to make Kihyun feel his heart beat race. 

He doesn't like Changkyun. No, Changkyun is definitely not his soulmate. He is just excited to be around him again.

“I'll take the bed with Jooheon. You keep your shitty couch.”

“Once you get a steady income, we have to get a two bedroom apartment. We could get a dog!”

“Why get a dog when we have you?” Kihyun teases.

Changkyun groans. 

“You're like a puppy.”

“Get some sleep, Ki. We can figure out where to put your stuff tomorrow. We'll make it work. If you're up for it, we can look for a place to rent for you to start your photography business. I'm sure Hyungwon would be glad to let you take a few shots of him.”

Kihyun grins. “I'm an easy-going man, Kyun.”

“That's what they all say.”

 

 

 

When he wakes up, he still feels like he is in Korea. Light is shining through the curtains just like at home. The bed is nice and warm. He could sleep more, but he knows he has to get up for work.

Wait.

There's someone else in his bed. Everything sinks in again, and he remembers where he is at. 

Jooheon is next to him, mouth slightly open and deep in sleep. He looks cute all curled up and looking so peaceful. Kihyun feels jealous. He wishes he could sleep more. The alarm clock on Jooheon’s nightstand reads 6:43 AM. It's too early for his liking.

He climbs out of bed and commences his morning routine like he always does, just like he was back at home. Once he is done, he wanders into the living room to find Changkyun passed out on the couch. He looks cute too, but in a different way. He looks so soft and innocent. 

“Changkyunnie,” Kihyun calls. 

He doesn't even stir. 

Huffing, Kihyun makes his way to the kitchen because after skipping dinner last night, he is starving. He opens to refrigerator to find lunch meat (?), cold pizza, beer, soda, monster energy drinks, and eggs.

He shouldn't be surprised. They are college students after all.

Kihyun decides he can work with it though. He takes the eggs out of the refrigerator and sets them on the counter. He opens a few cabinets and drawers and manages to find a whisk, bowl, and pan. It's the best he is going to get he decides, cringing at the dirty dishes piled up in the sink.

He will deal with that later.

Slowly, he cooks enough scrambled eggs for all three of them. It may even be too much, but he’d rather have more than less. He sets the table the best he can before walking into the living room and gently shaking Changkyun.

“Hey, I made breakfast.”

Changkyun groans, “It’s too early.”

“I don’t care how early it is. I made breakfast, and both of you are going to eat it!”

“Geez, let me get up and go to the bathroom first. Then, I’ll eat your dumb breakfast,” he says as he stands up and stretches. 

Kihyun decides to let Jooheon sleep though. A moment with Changkyun alone wouldn’t be the worst thing, right? Besides, he missed Changkyun more than he missed the others. That’s just because they have always been close though.

Anyways, even if Kihyun did like him, he is with Hoseok. Changkyun is definitely not his soulmate.

Kihyun goes back to the kitchen and sits in a chair. He opens his phone, unlocking it and checking the notifications. He already changed his phone plan to America thankfully before he left, so he has connection. Most of his notifications are from Instagram and Twitter, but a certain one catches his eye. 

It’s a snapchat message from Hyungwon. Curious, he opens it.

“Hey, was wondering if you wanted to do a photoshoot soon? Look forward to helping you start a photography business. Hope you’re good at makeup. See you soon.”

The message is very Hyungwon-like: simple, straight to the point. He doesn’t like to make things complicated.

Kihyun types back:

“I’m gonna look for a studio soon, a simple place. Not sure where yet, but I’ll let you know. Or we could do an outdoor photoshoot? Like to do a club shoot too. Thanks, hope to see you soon, Hyungwon.”

By the time he is done, he glances up to find Changkyun sitting at the table across from him. He picks up the fork Kihyun set out and immediately starts eating.

“Thanks, Kihyun.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” he smiles. “We going studio looking today?”

Changkyun frowns. “Actually, I made plans with Hoseok. Sorry I forgot. Maybe another time?”

Jealousy hits Kihyun, and it hits him hard. Why? It makes him so angry that Changkyun prioritizes Hoseok instead of him. How is that fair? They have been friends longer, and Kihyun is the only reason they met to begin with! Is this how they thank him? By pushing him to the side?

“Yeah. Maybe another time,” Kihyun repeats.

Maybe another time. That’s what they all say when they start pushing you aside. Anger fills him. He feels like he is going to snap. It’s not even that big of a deal, but Kihyun is so bothered by it. He hates making a big deal of the small things. 

Kihyun feels too sick to his stomach to eat. He messages Hyungwon again.

“Sorry. You free today?”

He sits quietly until Changkyun bothers him again. “I didn’t mean to ditch you, Ki. I don’t want to hurt Hoseok’s feelings. I feel like I’ve got a good thing going. I’d hate to ruin that. Jooheon has homework, but maybe you could meet after and look at a few places.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Kihyun?”

His phone vibrates. Quickly unlocking it, he finds a message from Hyungwon.

“I’ll drop by in a bit. We can go to the park.”

Another message pops up under it. 

“I need to tell you something, but it’s better to tell you in person.”

Kihyun stands up. “Hyungwon is up early for some reason. I’m gonna get dressed and meet up with him in a bit.”

Changkyun nods. “See you tonight.” 

 

 

Unsurprisingly, Hyungwon takes hours to get to Jooheon’s place. It’s already 10:34 by the time he knocks on the door. Kihyun is used to him being late though, so he opens the door with the camera around his neck and his bag full of lenses on his back and follows Hyungwon to his nice new white car. He looks very model like in a pair of black jeans, white shirt, and a blue jean jacket. 

His car is a 2018 Honda, and it’s pretty nice. Kihyun climbs in the passenger seat, and Hyungwon gets into the driver’s side. They both put their seatbelts on, and Hyungwon starts driving.

“Have a good night?”

“It was okay,” Kihyun glances outside the window, wondering how far away the park is.

Hyungwon sighs. “You don’t seem like you’re in a good mood today.”

“Changkyun decided Hoseok is more important than me, which really fucking sucks if you were wondering. Isn’t it wrong that I’ve known him for years, and he’s known Hoseok for like seven weeks?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. You guys were disconnected for years. Maybe he is just trying to get used to you being back in his life.”

“Would you stop defending him?” Kihyun accidentally shouts, immediately regretting it.

For a bit, the car falls silent. It all feels too familiar. The used to argue a lot about dumb things like this and Kihyun would snap. It was about the dishes or Hyungwon spending too much time away, and sometimes it was about how Hyungwon valued his job more than he valued Kihyun. It feels wrong to be fighting now after all these years. It isn’t Kihyun’s place to yell at him.

Hyungwon inhales slowly before exhaling just as slow. “You’re right. He shouldn’t have been a dick about it, but it’s also not your place to tell him what to do. You’re being too protective. You’re just a distant friend now.”

Why is Hyungwon always right?

He continues. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Changkyun? Of course I like him. He is one of my best friends.”

 

“That’s not what I mean. You like him more than a friend.”

“You’re not being funny.”

Hyungwon glances over since they are stopped in traffic. “Kihyun, you’ve got to be honest with yourself. You’re mad because he won’t hang out with you. We used to fight because you were so attached to him. I guess you didn’t know it, but you’ve always loved him.”

“Changkyun? You think I like Changkyun? Hyungwon, stop being stupid. He is a friend, nothing more. I’ve always been close to him, that’s all. Stop reading into things that aren’t even there.”

He laughs. “Whatever you say.”

Maybe Kihyun is just having a bad day, but he feels angry at Hyungwon too. How stupid is he? Kihyun has never had feelings for Changkyun, and he never will. 

The car ride is awkwardly silent until they finally make it to the park. It’s busier than Kihyun expected, but he shouldn’t be surprised; it is New York after all. He gets out of the car and looks around, wondering where they would even start to take pictures.

“There’s a secluded place in the back. Hyunwoo and I usually go back there when we come here. Follow me.”

Hyungwon leads him passed the kids playing and the dogs with their owners, passed the runners on the track. He leads Kihyun to a small area in the back by a small pond. It's beautiful, bright green grass and big rocks surrounding it.

It's perfect.

Kihyun wishes Changkyun was here to see it.

Kihyun takes a seat on one of the rocks, and Hyungwon sits next to him. He forgot how pretty Hyungwon is up close. He is stunning with sparkling dark eyes and a hint of makeup on, just enough to not be obvious unless you're close. His eyeshadow is perfect too. Kihyun guesses he was joking about Kihyun helping with his makeup because he looks perfect the way he is right now. 

“I have something to tell you, Kihyun. I don't know how you're going to take it, but I want you to be the first person to know.”

He feels slightly scared. “I'm listening.”

“I'm getting married in the fall. I didn't want to tell anyone until we set a date, but I had to tell you. After all, for the longest time we were best friends. You deserve to know. I thought it would be me and you getting married, but look at me now. I'm so happy, Kihyun. I really am. I hope you understand.”

Kihyun smiles, and it's genuine. He feels tears form in the corners of his eyes. It isn't sad tears though. He is actually happy that Hyungwon has found someone. All he wanted his whole time knowing him is for Hyungwon to be happy. If he is happy with Hyunwoo, then Kihyun is happy for him.

“Oh gosh. I didn't mean to make you cry. I-”

“I'm happy for you. I just want you to be happy. I've always wanted you to be happy.”

“Really?” Hyungwon pauses. “We would like you to be the photographer. I know it’s asking a lot, but it would mean so much if you could do it. We want a small wedding with just a few friends there, so it'd be nice to have you taking photos.”

“I'd love to.”

Hyungwon takes both of Kihyun's hands in his. “I hope you find your soulmate soon, Kihyun.”

“Me too. So much.”

 

 

 

That fall comes much too soon. The day before the wedding is chaotic. Kihyun is beyond stressed because he can't seem to find his tripod. Jooheon also lost his phone. Hyungwon is panicking because the flower shop he planned to deliver the flowers closed down a few weeks ago and he is just now finding out.

It's an awful day.

To make it worse, he sits with Hoseok on the bathroom floor, puking his guts out. He somehow caught some stomach bug and the first place he could think to go was Hoseok’s. The older man is rubbing his back and continually sighing. It's gross seeing Kihyun like this, but he can't help but feel bad.

The worst part is he can't seem to keep any medicine in his stomach.

Kihyun doesn't feel like he is all there either. His head is filled with weird thoughts. It's like he is drunk or something. His mind feels broken. He feels like crying. What the hell is wrong with him?

He wishes Changkyun was here to push his hair away from his forehead and tell him everything will be okay.

“I'm sorry?”

“Did I say that aloud?” He slurs.

“Um. Yeah.”

It feels awkward for a moment. 

“Hoseok-” Kihyun cuts himself off by gagging. He struggles to catch his breath afterwards and digs his fingernails into his thighs. His throat burns. He really could cry.

“Changkyun is my soulmate. You know how you just know? I just know.”

Hoseok laughs awkwardly. “You're just out of it. You know that isn't true.”

“I'm in love with him,” Kihyun confesses.

To be honest, he didn't know that himself.

It all makes sense though. That's why his heart beats fast when he is around or why he feels so jealous of Hoseok. It's why he is angry at Changkyun all the time. It makes sense. He is a fool.

Kihyun groans. Why is he so stupid? Why would he confess to loving Changkyun?

“I-I ended up in New York for a reason! That's what everyone is telling me. What if that's the reason? What if I’m here because Changkyun is my soulmate?”

“You're being ridiculous,” Hoseok says.

Kihyun can sense the anger in his voice.

Why doesn't he shut up?

“I love him, Hoseok. I love him so much!” He sobs at this point. “It's not fair! Why are you with him? The only reason you met was because of me. Why do you get to have him while I'm stuck all alone. Why is life so cruel? I knew all along there was a reason I'm here, and now the reason is clear. Give me a chance with him.”

“You're sick, Kihyun.” That's all Hoseok can say.

“I'm not being delusional. I'm being honest. I don't care what you have to say. I'm-”

“We can talk more another day. Tomorrow is Hyungwon’s wedding. Be happy for them, ok?”

Kihyun hates himself.

 

 

He hates himself even more in the morning. Hoseok has been nothing but kind to him, and Kihyun repays him by confessing his love about Hoseok’s boyfriend? What the hell is wrong with him? He can't help but yell at himself inside his head. He can't stand himself.

“Morning,” Hoseok says next to him.

Hoseok is too nice for his own good.

“I'm really sorry about last night. I don't even know what I was saying. I didn't mean to make things weird. Forget about it, yeah? I won't make a move on him. I promise.”

“I trust you enough not to. Now, come on. We have to be at the venue in a few hours and I don't want you looking like that.”

Hoseok is kind enough to drive Kihyun to the venue. He is feeling worse than yesterday and incredibly exhausted. Unrelated, but Hyungwon bought him a new tripod and Jooheon brought his camera.

He doesn't deserve such good friends.

“Do your parents know?” Kihyun asks curiously, sitting in Hyungwon's dressing room on the bed and trying not to pass out.

Changkyun and Jooheon are with Hyunwoo, which is the biggest relief, and Minhyuk is helping tie Hyungwon's tie.

“I would never shame them like that. I won't ever tell them about Hyunwoo. Besides, they basically disowned me after I told them about my modeling dreams. They said ‘Study hard or die!’ but look at me now.”

Kihyun does look at him, and he looks absolutely gorgeous. Years ago, Kihyun imagined himself in the other dressing room, preparing to walk down the aisle to find Hyungwon standing there. He never expected to be the one to walk Hyungwon down to meet Hyunwoo. Never did he dream of it. 

Now things have changed.

He wishes Changkyun would be the one he will meet after walking down the aisle.

“Look at you,” Minhyuk grins. “You look amazing. I'm so proud and happy for you. I used to think you'd be stuck with dumb ole Kihyun!”

“That's insulting,” Kihyun groans.

Hyungwon puts their arguing to a rest. “Today is a celebration, so put the usual bickering to the side just for today, yeah? It's the only day I'll ever get married, so please just don't ruin it.”

Kihyun pulls his camera over his head. He will deal with the tripod later. He holds it tightly as he stands and backs up to get both Minhyuk and Hyungwon in the frame. He clicks the button a few times before examining his work. The photo looks natural, less forced than most of his photos. It's a nice candid shot.

“You guys look good. I'd almost think Minhyuk was getting married to you.”

“Hyungwon wishes he could get a good catch like me.”

They all laugh.

Kihyun realizes he has no idea where Hoseok is at. He feels guilty all of a sudden. Did he run Hoseok off? Hoseok is the man who took him in and offered him kindness in exchange for friendship. Why did Kihyun do him wrong? He is perfectly happy with Changkyun. Why would Kihyun ever ruin that?

“Where's Hoseok?”

Hyungwon suddenly realizes his disappearance as well. “I haven't seen him since you both arrived. Maybe he is with Hyunwoo.”

Kihyun doubts that.

“Yeah.” The last thing he wants is for Hyungwon to panic more. If Hoseok if missing in action, then so be it. That isn't Kihyun’s responsibility.

It is his fault.

He glances at the clock. It's 15 minutes until he walks Hyungwon down the aisle. During the beginning, he is trusting Changkyun with his camera until he is able to sit down.

Just like Hyungwon wanted, it's a small ceremony in a big mansion. The place is beautiful. He seems so content with it. There is only their friend group and a few other people Hyungwon is close with. The other’s are seated down in the main room. Finding someone who would marry them was hard, but the official is kind. 

Kihyun steps out of the room quietly and knocks on Hyunwoo's dressing room door. Changkyun peeks his head out.

“Everything ok?”

His heart goes crazy. “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

Changkyun follows Kihyun to the bathroom, which is a really strange place to talk but it's the first place Kihyun could think of.

“Hoseok is missing.”

“I thought he was with you,” Changkyun's eyes get wide with worry. 

Kihyun can tell he is panicking in his mind, and he doesn't blame him. If Changkyun went missing, he would panic too. After all, Kihyun is sure the other male is his soulmate, but the feeling isn't mutual. Changkyun’s soulmate is Hoseok, and that's that.

“I did something real dumb last night, and-”

He gets the feeling that he is about to throw up again. He rushes into one of the stalls and starts throwing up his breakfast. It's disgusting. It's weak. He wants to die in that moment.

He feels so sick.

“Kihyun!” Changkyun rushes into the stall with him. It's a tight fit and kinda strange, but Changkyun brushes back Kihyun's hair and feels his forehead. “You're burning up.”

“I have to make it to this stupid wedding,” he says, panting like he has been running. “I can’t miss this. Nothing else can go wrong.”

“You also can't throw up during the ceremony.”

“Please don’t tell Hyungwon. I've felt sick since yesterday and keep throwing up.”

Changkyun’s eyes get wide. “What did you eat today?”

“Oatmeal.”

“Kihyun,” he says slowly. “There's blood in your vomit.”

“Why are you staring at it!” Kihyun groans. 

“I don’t know.”

They fall silent for a moment before Changkyun says something.

Kihyun's fear.

“We have to get you to a hospital.”

He can't go to the hospital, not today. Today isn't about Changkyun being his soulmate or Hoseok missing. Today is about Hyungwon planning to spend the rest of his life with Hyunwoo! How could he be so selfish to make it about anything else? He can't just go to the hospital when Hyungwon is waiting in the other room for him to walk him down the aisle. He can't do that to Hyungwon.

He shakes his head. “Maybe another time. I-” He gags. 

Throwing up in a public bathroom is probably one of the most disgusting things that has ever happened to him. He thinks about the germs, how nasty it is, and he gags again. He hates himself.

“If you tell anyone, I'll kill you,” he looks into Changkyun's eyes.

The younger looks at Kihyun with his eyes filled with worry. He feels his stomach drop, and not just because he is sick. It feels wrong to look at Changkyun like this. He would never let Changkyun cheat on Hoseok because he knows how bad it hurts, but why is Changkyun looking at him like that, like he might like Kihyun.

Hoseok is Changkyun's soulmate though.

He is just reading into things too much. 

“I can’t let you-”

“Focus on yourself, ok! Focus on your perfect boyfriend and your perfect relationship and just forget about me! I know you want to. You're already ditching me for him, so why don't you focus on him and stop butting into my business. You don't care about me, not one bit, because if you did care, you would pay attention to me and open your fucking eyes, Changkyun!”

Ouch.

“Y-you want me to leave?”

What the fuck is he doing? 

“I just want you to listen to your heart for once in your whole life. Now, go, ok?” he takes off the camera from around his neck and puts it around Changkyun. “I'll be out in a minute, and I'm gonna walk Hyungwon down that fucking aisle.”

Hesitantly, Changkyun stands up. “Then we are going to a hospital.”

He watches as Changkyun turns around and walks out the door. Kihyun hesitantly stands up, feeling dizzy and his vision going dark for a split second. He flushes the toilet and goes to the sink to wash his hands. Surprisingly, he feels calm. He is going to go to the hospital after the wedding, and they are going to tell him it's just a stomach virus. He is sure of it.

Carefully, he walks out of the bathroom and finds his way back to Hyungwon’s dressing room. The model is panicking until he sees Kihyun's face.

“I thought you were going to ditch me. Thank God you're here!”

“I'm definitely here. I'm ready to walk you.”

He glances at the clock. 

3 minutes.

Hyunwoo should be standing at the end of the aisle by now, waiting patiently for Kihyun to walk Hyungwon. He bets the older man is grinning and so excited to finally be married to his soulmate.

Minhyuk is already gone, probably seated at the front. Kihyun feels guilty for leaving Hyungwon all alone.

“Well, it is time, huh?”

“Can we have a second?” Hyungwon pauses. “Thank you for allowing me to become a better person. I'm sorry for cheating on you. Every single day I regret it. You didn't deserve to be hurt, but I'm glad we broke up. I'm glad I moved here, but I'm equally glad you're here too. I'm happy you're the one to be giving me away. I wouldn't want anyone else to do it. Thank you for being in my life,” tears form in the corners of his eyes.

“Don't cry yet! You'll make me cry too.”

“I'm just glad you're here. I love you, Kihyun.”

“I love you too.” Kihyun wraps his arms around Hyungwon.

“You look pale,” Hyungwon hugs him tight. “Are you ok?”

“Just tired. Now come on. Let's get you married, yeah?”

He takes Hyungwon's hand and starts walking towards the main room. He pauses before walking in. “You sure he is the one?”

“Positive.”

The music starts playing, and Kihyun starts walking with Hyungwon next to him. They link arms. Like he is supposed to be, Hyunwoo is at the end with a big grin on his face. He seems so happy to be marrying his soulmate, and Kihyun can't blame him.

They start slow, taking their time to walk, and when they reach the end, Kihyun takes a seat next to Changkyun in the back and takes his camera. He puts it around his neck and begins to take pictures.

“Hoseok?” Kihyun whispers.

Changkyun shakes his head. “No show. I texted him. Nothing.”

Kihyun glances up and smiles at Hyungwon supportingly.

The ceremony goes surprisingly quick, and Hoseok still doesn't show up, not even for the reception.

He calls Hoseok afterwards.

No answer.

“Whether Hoseok is here or not, I'm taking you to the hospital.”

Kihyun has never been one to give up unless he really doesn't see hope. “You're taking me to Hoseok's.”

The ride is eerily quiet. Kihyun feels uncomfortable. He can't find the words because he feels like he will confess to Changkyun, and that's the last thing he wants. Instead, he sits quietly and looks at the photos on his camera. They need a bit of editing, but they turned out alright.

They arrive at Hoseok's house to find his car in the driveway. 

“You should go in,” Kihyun tells him, mostly because he feels too tired to get out of the car.

Changkyun seems hesitant to leave him alone. Again, concern fills his eyes. It's a look Kihyun could get used to. It's how Hyungwon used to look at him.

Times have changed.

Changkyun should be looking at Hoseok like that, not Kihyun.

“Okay. I'll be back soon. Don't pass out on me.”

Kihyun doesn't tell Changkyun about the pain in his stomach. He just nods and forces a smile. He watches him get out of the car and walk to the door before knocking. Hoseok immediately opens the door, and Kihyun can clearly see his tear stained cheeks.

Why is he crying? He has a soulmate while Kihyun doesn't. Shouldn't Kihyun be the one crying?

Kihyun unlocks his phone and looks at the notifications.

Hyungwon: Thank you for today.

There's another message.

Hoseok: if you really think he's your soulmate...you can have him.

He feels his heart break.

Just what has he done.

 

 

Changkyun comes out of Hoseok’s house sobbing. He climbs into the driver's seat and rests his head on Kihyun’s shoulder. Kihyun already knows what happened. He holds Changkyun's hand tightly. Why did he do that? They were so happy. What if Kihyun is wrong? He has no proof that Changkyun is the one.

“He-” 

“I know,” Kihyun says softly, squeezing his hand. “I know.”

Changkyun takes his time crying, and Kihyun can only dry his eyes. He feels so guilty. He can't even explain it; he can't tell Changkyun why Hoseok broke up with him. He can't tell Hyungwon why Hoseok missed his wedding. 

Why did he even come to America?

“We have to get you to the hospital,” Changkyun sighs after a while. “I can't diagnose you.”

“Are you sure?” Kihyun dries the other man's eyes.

“Positive.”

The drive to the hospital is equally quiet as before. They go to the ER, but they aren't on the priority list. They get a room after three hours, and Kihyun lies on the bed with Changkyun next to him.

Kihyun apologizes. Changkyun still looks dead from crying. He looks tired too. The photographer can feel his heart breaking. It isn't fair. He shouldn't have caused them to break up. Changkyun's soulmate is Hoseok, but Kihyun's soulmate is him. It doesn't make sense. He feels so sick, and the nauseous isn't just from being ill.

“Why are you apologizing?”

He can't explain it, can he?

The nurse walks in. She takes her time taking his blood. “I'll be back soon.”

When she leaves, Changkyun asks the question again. 

Kihyun smiles softly. “Just sad that you guys broke up.”

He missed his chance.

 

 

“You have anaemia. Your stomach is bleeding.”

Oh?

Changkyun stays with him all night. The doctor wants to keep him, but he says the bleeding should stop on it's own. Changkyun tells him it isn't all that serious, and relief flushes over him.

What would he do without Changkyun?

 

 

The next day Kihyun gets discharged. He still feels a bit sick and doesn't feel great about his stomach bleeding, but it could be worse. It definitely could be worse. He rides with Changkyun back to their place and gets ready for The Talk.

The house is quiet without Jooheon. The first thing Changkyun does when he gets home is turn on the PS4 and opens up a game of GTA. It feels wrong. Something is wrong.

The Talk will have to wait another day.

Kihyun sits beside him, and they stay just like that: Changkyun playing a game and Kihyun watching him. It goes on for what seems like hours before Changkyun bursts into tears. Kihyun wraps his arms around Changkyun.

“It's ok.”

Changkyun holds tightly onto his shirt. “It isn't. It isn't fair! He doesn't get to break up with me and pull that ‘you're just not my soulmate’ bullshit!” he sobs. “It isn't right! This isn't some stupid fantasy where we have tattoos. I'm sick of this soulmate bullshit. Why can't we just date and have fun?”

Kihyun feels his heart break.

He understands Changkyun's frustration. It is upsetting to have a breakup, but he shouldn't be having this bad of a breakdown. Hoseok only dated him for a few months! It's not like it's the end of the world. Also, he doesn't appreciate him calling soulmates bullshit. It isn't true. Everyone has a soulmate! Kihyun is sure of that. He wishes he knew how to reassure Changkyun that he will find his.

“Changkyun? You'll find some-”

“Shut up!” he cries. “Shut the fuck up for once in your life, okay? You don't need to tell me that I'll find my dumbass soulmate because they aren't out there. Soulmates don't exist, Kihyun. They are some made up thing to make YOU feel better about your dumb life. We date people because we date people. We aren't trying to find our fucking soulmate! Hoseok broke my heart because he wanted to. He didn't break up with me because he isn't my soulmate.”

Kihyun isn't sure what to say, or how to convince him otherwise.

Is he really pathetic? Has he been living this lie of thinking he will find his soulmate just to feel better about how shitty his life is? Sure, this isn't a world where a name is written on your wrist, but isn't it possible they all have a soulmate?

What if he is just delusional?

Changkyun cries harder against Kihyun's shoulder. He feels bad for the younger, he really does. He remembers how broken he was when Hyungwon cheated on him. He wanted to kill himself. He almost gave up. It wasn't fair; that's all he could think about. He fell into a depression. Will Changkyun do the same?

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You aren't pathetic. Soulmates just don't exist.”

“Not even friend soulmates?”

“I wish,” Changkyun wipes his eyes. “Thank you.” He pauses. “Can you sleep with me in Jooheon’s bed tonight?”

Kihyun's heart races. Can Changkyun hear it or feel his sweaty palms. Sharing a bed with Changkyun, being able to cuddle with it...it feels like a weird fantasy. He wonders when he will wake up from this dream because it all feels so unreal.

“Yeah. Of course.”

Kihyun doesn't sleep that night. Not a wink.

 

Changkyun grins for the first time in a while when they are decorating Kihyun's new apartment. It's a bit sad looking, with blank walls and empty rooms. Hyunwoo helps set up the brand new bed he bought with the revenue he earned from his photography business. Changkyun grins, so proud of himself for helping put Kihyun's couch in place.

“I could move in with you if you need a roomie.”

“You're too messy,” Kihyun teases.

It's been weeks since Hoseok broke up with Changkyun, and it's been weeks since he has smiled like that: the smile that gets Kihyun's heart racing. Changkyun is close to graduating now, and Kihyun couldn't be more proud. He hopes he gets a local job somewhere that wouldn't be so far away because otherwise he would take a piece of Kihyun with him. 

“Am not!” he hits Kihyun playfully.

Hyungwon groans. “Stop being weird and help us carry all these boxes. Geez, Kihyun, for someone only being here for a few months, you sure have a lot of junk.”

“Is that an insult?”

“Take it how you will.”

Changkyun starts unpacking boxes, completely unaware of where Kihyun wants to put everything. He is cute though, so he lets it slide. Maybe if it was Jooheon, he would say something, but Changkyun really owns his heart. He has Kihyun wrapped around his finger.

“You know,” Changkyun starts. “You’ll be lonely in this big place. Jooheon will be lonely too whenever I move closer to the hospital.”

Something happens to Kihyun's heart. It doesn't break, but maybe it cracks a bit. Saying goodbye to Changkyun will be hard. It's not something he looks forward to.

“Yeah.”

“We should spend all the time together while we can before my schedule gets crazy. Who knows what my hours will be…”

 

 

Before Kihyun knows it, winter rolls around, and he still hasn't confessed to Changkyun. His graduation is right around the corner, and he already has a job set at the nearest hospital. Also, he is looking for apartments with the group's help.

Towards the end of fall, Hoseok joined their group again, and it was like nothing happened. Changkyun was happy to be friends with him, and Kihyun was glad to see him again. After all, he would be nothing without Hoseok. What if he never picked up Kihyun from the side of the road? Would he have gotten kidnapped or worse?

The night of Changkyun's graduation goes like this:

Kihyun gets drunk.

Not the funny type of drunk, but the crying in Hoseok's lap like a child kind. He apologizes over and over again for breaking Changkyun and Hoseok apart. Hoseok just pats his back and says it's ok because after all, Changkyun is his soulmate.

“You really think so?” Kihyun says, tearing up even more. 

“He may not know it yet, but yeah, Kihyun. He definitely is.”

The party is at Kihyun's place. There are all kinds of pretty decorations in gold, like ‘Congrats’ signs and ‘Class of 2018’. Kihyun wasted hours making food, buying drinks, and decorating everything, only to get drunk out of his mind and cry with Hoseok. He hasn't seen Changkyun in some time actually. He might be passed out for all Kihyun knows.

“Is he really going away?” Kihyun asks.

“He'll still be in the same town, stupid. It isn't that serious. Don't overthink things.”

He sniffles. “I don't want to say goodbye!”

“To who?” Changkyun says from behind the couch.

Kihyun quickly collects himself and stands up, nearly falling down in the process. He is drunk, and the room is spinning. Still, he wants to talk to Changkyun before he leaves, and what better time to confess than right now?

So he does. Spills his fucking heart out in slurred words. He isn't even sure if he is making sense. He rambles on about soulmates, explains why Hoseok wasn’t at the wedding and why the broke up. He tells how Hyungwon knew that he loved Changkyun before he even knew himself.

It doesn't go as planned.

In fact, it's the worst possible scenario.

“You mean you made Hoseok break my heart just because you think we are soulmates? You came to America for a reason, and the reason is because you wanted to. Fate doesn't exist. There's no one oath we follow. We make our own decisions, and your decision was to cause my heart to break. What the actual fuck is wrong with you, Kihyun? You think it's okay to hurt others?”

“I-I,” he sniffles. “I didn't mean it like that. You know that. You know me. I love you, Changkyun. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before. You mean the world to me. I need to know if you feel the same. So tell me?”

“Well. I don't.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [twitter](https://t.co/dvZ6jEBdw6)!  
> I tweet a lot about my current WIPs and give a few previews. I'm kinda funny too
> 
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> 
> Part 2 will be out soon! Please support me in the meantime!!!


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